


Hurts 2b Human

by dixons_mama



Series: Song Inspired Fics [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Drabble, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Wakanda (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-02 07:08:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19194118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dixons_mama/pseuds/dixons_mama
Summary: When Steve is finally able to reunite with Bucky in Wakanda, he finds out why Bucky never asked for him after coming out of cryo.





	Hurts 2b Human

**Author's Note:**

> Title and fic inspired by Hurts 2b Human by P!nk ft. Khalid

Steve spotted Bucky at the edge of the lake by his hut and approached him. 

"Hey Buck, haven't heard from you in a while." Steve had been away from Wakanda for nearly 3 months, and even though he had tried contacting Bucky, he was never able to reach him. It was clear that Bucky was purposely avoiding him. After getting no response, Steve became even more worried.

“Buck?”

"I'd forgotten how much it hurts to be human." Bucky said solemnly, not taking his eyes off the lake. 

"What?" Steve asked, clearly unsure as to what his friend meant.

"I spent so long as a weapon, and weapons don't feel anything. Being a person again.. I'd forgotten how much it hurts." Finally Bucky turned to look at Steve, whose face showed he still didn't understand.

"Remembering hurts. Emotions hurt. Loving hurts. All of it. It hurts." Sighing, Bucky turned back to face the water.

"I remember killing people. I remember falling. I remember losing my arm, the torture, cryo, having my mind wiped. Over and over." Bucky's face looked stern, and pain painted over his face. Steve gently placed a hand on his shoulder, offering what comfort he could.

"I'm so sorry, Buck. I can't imagine-" Steve was quickly cut off, though.

"Those aren't even the ones that hurt the most. The ones that make me feel physical pain? They all involve you, Steve." Looking suddenly overwhelmed, Bucky turned to walk away. Steve stood frozen, stunned by this new admission. When sense finally came back to him, he turned and ran after Bucky.

“Bucky! Stop!” But Bucky just started walking faster, so Steve sped up and grabbed on to his right shoulder. Bucky spun around, and violently pulled himself out of Steve's grasp.

“What the fuck, Bucky! What the hell is going on?” Steve was suddenly feeling frustrated, but when he saw hot tears streaming down Bucky's face, he immediately deflated.

“You! It's you!” Bucky sounded like he wanted to yell, but his voice came out as a hoarse sob.

“I remember being in fucking love with you, and not being able to do a damn thing about it. I remember having to leave you behind, not knowing which of us would die first.” He ran his hand through his hair and looked down.

“I remember seeing you for the first time in Azzano and thinking I'd finally gone to heaven. I remember watching you fall in love with Peggy Carter. I wanted to be happy for you, I really did, but I'm a selfish bastard and I was so fucking jealous.” Bucky finally looked back up to Steve, whose own eyes were overflowing with tears, mouth agape.

“I remember trying to kill you.” Wiping angrily at his wet face, Bucky looked away again. His voice was strained, like he could barely speak anymore.

“Stevie, seeing you kiss Sharon.. that was the final nail in the coffin. Yeah, I went back into cryo because of the danger I posed, but also because-”

“Buck,” Steve croaked out weakly, but it's all he can get out.

“I also went because it hurt. I'd forgotten how much it hurts to be human, Stevie. I didn't want to feel it.” A moment of complete silence passed between them before Steve was hauling Bucky into his arms. He sobbed silently into Bucky's neck, and felt a single hand grasping onto the back of his shirt.

“Bucky,” Stevie spoke quietly, remaining entwined with his friend. “I'm so sorry, I wish I had known. I wish.. just, that I could take it all back. Knowing I caused you so much pain, it kills me, Buck.” Slowly, he pulled back and cupped Bucky's face.

“I have always loved you. I always told myself it was wrong, that if you found out, you'd.. I don't know, maybe not hate me, but at least push me away. You had all those dames, and back then being anything but straight was pretty much a death sentence. I always loved you, though. I still love you, Bucky.” Steve kept his eyes locked on Bucky's face the entire time. He needed him to know he was being truthful, being sincere. 

Bucky looked like he'd just been told unicorns were real, with his eyes wide and shiny, lips slightly parted in surprise. Steve couldn't resist the small smile aching to grace his face, and Bucky's eyes quickly darted down to his lips, watching the growing smile. Steve brought Bucky's hand to his lips, and Bucky traced them, almost reverently.

“Can I kiss you?” Steve whispered against his fingers. Bucky looked into his eyes and gave the slightest nod. With that, Steve leaned in and pressed their lips together. After several long minutes, Steve pulled back, and looked into Bucky's stormy blue-grey eyes. He would do everything in his power to make up for all the pain he had caused this amazing man.

"Buck, I hope I can show you how good it feels to be human, too." When Bucky finally smiled, Steve hoped it was just the first of many to come.


End file.
